@therealeatwood: I’m usually more of a Samantha but sometimes I am such a Carrie, like when a bucket of blood got dumped on my head at prom
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@sixfootcandy: Trainer: Did you know that you burn approx 80 calories per hour while sleeping? Me: Really? [curls up on weight bench] Wake me up in 2025.
@sweetandweak: You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
@RBColl: Have you ever looked at someone's phone's selfie wallpaper and look at the owner and look again at their selfie and back again to the owner?