@Brianhopecomedy: I'm watching my 4 year old son give my 1 year old a hammer. He is so irresponsible.
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@_Tempo11: Told my dog it's too cold to go for a walk and he just saw one from the window and now I'm a liar.
@PaperWash: [grocery store] dad to his crying baby: shhh stop crying [baby keeps crying] me: wow, your baby does not listen