@ch000ch: i'm wearing a jetpack to my job interview tomorrow so if they turn me down i can disappoint everyone there by just walking out calmly
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@NoTrophy4You: When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom "Are these my brains?"."Not yet," she replied
@davidkenny100: Pal: "on your date, ask her about herself. Oh! And girls love a guy into animals" Me: "how much do you weigh? about as much as baby cow?"
@KevinFarzad: I love how women always smell good, and can complete you, and are sometimes wrapped in tinfoil. Wait, that's a burrito. I love burritos.