@iRowlf: I'm wearing a shower curtain over my head and pretending to be a ghost. I probably look legit because everybody on this bus is avoiding me.
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@ItsAndyRyan: WIFE: I can't believe you slept with my twin thinking it was me ME: Cut me some slack – he was wearing your perfume
@MariyaAlexander: Life hack: ask telemarketers and phone scammers to go steady seconds into the conversation and never be bothered again OR now you found love
@KindOfASmartass: It really annoys me when people who barely know you want to become Facebook friends, like an old classmate or someone you've slept with