@IncrediblyRich: I'm wearing my big rolled up socks again today and I'm doing so with pride. So all you haters can get in a taxi and chip off.
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@Laser_Cat: [wife answering phone] Gary, it's 3am! Where are you? "I don't have time for questions, but if you ever wanted a peacock tell me now!"
@jctwritesstuff: *gets up off bed* *puts pants back on* Oh...so you...you wanted ACTUAL tacos then?
@NotthatAdamWest: On this day in 1969, the 1st episode of Scooby Doo appeared on TV, beginning a golden age of teenagers getting high in the back of vans.
@canadian_makin: Me: hello I've run out of toilet paper Front desk: oh I'm sorry for the inconvenience Me: oh no worries, but I've also run out of towels