@est1975blog: I'm "whenever my mother calls, I think it's because someone's dead" years old.
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@sfreeze6: Seize the day. Repossess the evening. Impound last week. Forcibly confiscate the entire month of September.
@snarkweek7: Sometimes I pick another language on the ATM to see if I can make it all the way thru. So I'm still broke, but now also in French.
@WilliamAder: I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.
@InternetHippo: GOD: I designed this world with a purpose, why did u change everything PEOPLE: We— [pug walks by] GOD: What…the HELL…is that