@WildeThingy: I'm white and my wife is black. I'm trying to convince her we should adopt a Chinese baby so we can tell people that's how they are made
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@Home_Halfway: My wife's leaving me for refusing to stop referring to our children as my Capri Son and Capri Daughter.
@sarcasm_inc: Bouncer: Woah. Dress code Me: This is a suit B: Yeah, a chicken suit. *puts nugget in bouncer's pocket *pats it M: We good? B: Have fun, sir
@Kyle_Lippert: If you look in your bathroom mirror & say "Donald Trump" 3 times, the hair in your shower drain rises up & starts yelling racist slurs.
@AbbyHasIssues: An old guy at the gym told me I looked like his late wife. I'm hoping he meant while she was alive.