@VodkaShorebird: I'm with you, Hungry Hungry Hippos. I don't find small plastic balls very filling, either. I can't believe this what you guys eat in Africa!
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@rickolantern: My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I'd have to stay away from carbs So I've been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
@hg47: On Average, ovulating women prefer rugged & masculine men. Menstruating women prefer men duct-taped and on fire.
@brennadine: [In line at Starbucks] [Woman behind me talking] I work in an office with 50% men so- [Excitedly turn around] OMG YOU WORK WITH CENTAURS
@Douchekevin: She blindfolded me and said she was going to put heaven on my lips. I asked what kind of pizza it was. I woke up outside with a concussion