@bencoffeehall: I'm working on my second million, since I failed so much at the first.
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@boring_as_heck: Shit. Damn it. A bumper sticker just changed my entire worldview, again. This happens like 3 times a day.
@aeharder: The efficient part about falling asleep on the toilet at work is that inevitably someone who had beans for lunch will come and wake you.
@InsouciantMan: This joke format is stupid. Nobody can wink forever. *winks for an extended but realistic period of time
@Schmoodles: Me: When does karaoke start? Him: Never. Me: But I put my "I ? Karaoke" t-shirt on. Him: We noticed. Me: This is the worst funeral ever.