@Brianhopecomedy: I'm working out again in hopes that I can wear my superhero shirt in public without someone saying, "Batman really let himself go".
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@moose_chocolate: "Sobbing" autocorrected to "throbbing" and now my attempt at showing my sensitive side has taken a very different direction.
@NotGaryBusey: I love when people say "If people hate you, it only means you're doing something right." Because that's what Hitler would say.
@tinatbh: Me: Wanna see pics of my dog? Person: No Me: Great! This is him playing. This is him sleeping. This is him being the CUTEST DOG EVER.
@StatusInBeirut: Dear media: There's nothing shocking about celebrities going topless, getting drunk, or falling over. nnLet me know when they read a book.