@Brianhopecomedy: I'm working out again in hopes that I can wear my superhero shirt in public without someone saying, "Batman really let himself go".
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@WildeThingy: Ultracrepidarianism is the habit of giving opinions & advice on matters outside one's knowledge or competence. Or, as I call it, tweeting.
@GringoBrulee: Wife: wtf is this pile of clothes doing on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. W: god I hate you. M: yes, use your hate
@alldrolledup: One of my favorite things about kids is that you only have to feed them once a week
@brunopieroni: I'm starting a Kickstarter to bring a lion from Africa and let it loose in a dentist's office.