@Brianhopecomedy: I'm working out again in hopes that I can wear my superhero shirt in public without someone saying, "Batman really let himself go".
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@dumbbeezie: When someone says they have a surprise I quickly tell myself it's probably not cake. I'm tired of the let down.
@90spideypool: when you're jamming to an old-school r&b song and someone older than you ask "what you know about this?" me:
@crushingbort: *crowd in 1889 screaming because I appeared out of thin air and shot a baby* that was Baby Hitler...everyone calm down that was Baby Hitler
@junejuly12: Me: I choose Truth! Him: What is the most time wasting app on your phone? Me: ...I choose Dare!