@Brianhopecomedy: I'm working out again in hopes that I can wear my superhero shirt in public without someone saying, "Batman really let himself go".
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@fro_vo: Mom: if all your friends jumped off a bridge would you jump too Me: no Mom: how about 1 friend Me: what Mom: ok no friends & a ride there
@panmidwest: Ok, all you people who adopt dogs and put "who rescued who?" stickers on your car... you drive me crazy! Clearly it's "who rescued whom?"
@mattytalks: Rather than trying to "change" your passwords, accept them for their imperfections and they will grow stronger than you can possibly imagine
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Boss: I need you to work late. Me: [sprays her with Pepsi] B: You're fired. Me: So I don't have to work late? B: No. Me: [winks at camera]