@Swishergirl24: Police officer: Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I'm just as confused as you are.

@SondraDeeMe: ME: What's this about? SECRET SERVICE: We can't tell you ME: I can take it SS: *whispers* Your parents didn't take your dog to a farm

@KyleMcDowell86: *police sirens* *Dad bursts into my room wearing a Princess Leia costume* "HIDE THIS NO TIME TO EXPLAIN" *throws bag of cinnamon buns at me*

@IamEveryDayPpl: LOL, Investigation Discovery, for assuming your victim was murdered at night just because she’s wearing pajamas.

@just1fool: I just want to make you hot. Mess your hair up. Get your blood flowing. When I chase you around the house over the last piece of pizza.