@moose_chocolate: "Sobbing" autocorrected to "throbbing" and now my attempt at showing my sensitive side has taken a very different direction.

@NotGaryBusey: I love when people say "If people hate you, it only means you're doing something right." Because that's what Hitler would say.

@tinatbh: Me: Wanna see pics of my dog? Person: No Me: Great! This is him playing. This is him sleeping. This is him being the CUTEST DOG EVER.

@StatusInBeirut: Dear media: There's nothing shocking about celebrities going topless, getting drunk, or falling over. nnLet me know when they read a book.

@BrettDruck: Her: I'm so wet Him: I'm so hard Eavesdropping alien: These people are bad at describing themselves.