@illTortuga: I'm worried my dog will never find out who's a good boy.
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@TheKegKiller: Scientists recently discovered T-Rex hunted in packs, confirming once again that we should all send that asteroid a thank you card.
@mstluvstrinkets: I like to slip a Honey Boo Boo episode in every once in awhile to remind my husband that it could be worse.
@amydillon: Married foreplay is just five minutes of confusion about whether your spouse is using a suggestive euphemism or asking you to do a chore.
@Cheeseboy22: I don't understand why my coworkers always complain when I microwave my favorite meal: curry salmon stuffed with burnt popcorn.