@urgeekisshowing: I'm writing a horror story. It's about a girl who forgets her headphones and her colleagues think it's ok to talk to her. So much blood.
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@okimstillhungry: “Do you want to hold my baby?” Yeah nice try. You got yourself into this mess you hold your own damn baby.
@truegritrumble: ME: *pulling up my pants* What's the prognosis, Doc? DOCTOR: You've got cancer. ME: WHAT?! DOCTOR: Haha. Jk. I'm not a doctor.
@Parkerlawyer: 7 brought me breakfast in bed, which in theory was super sweet, except in reality it was a poptart at 4am.
@thestlouisan: ME: A restful night's sleep sounds nice BRAIN: Here's a dream about an owl with teeth