@TySmithdrums: Imagine a drunk porcupine trying to sneak into bed without waking his porcupine wife but his porcupine wife put balloons everywhere.
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@EndhooS: Taco guy: guac costs extra Obi Wan: [wafts hand] guac is free Taco Guy: guac is free… Anakin: why'd u even pay for the taco? Obi Wan: dammit
@ShitJokes: My friend keeps saying, "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
@ArfMeasures: ME *enters new password* COMPUTER: Ok M: Aren't u going tell me it's too weak? C: I've seen your life & more criticism just seems unkind
@Go2Slp: "Oh, beautiful. Just perfect. I wonder if I'll be able to control myself... aaaand they're gone." - Me with Thin Mints, and women.