@Jandalize: Imagine a giraffe. Now imagine the giraffe trying to get on a pool float. Now put my face on the giraffe. That's about right.
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@envydatropic: My doctor prescribed a med that has "weight loss" as a side effect......I've never wanted to overdose so much in my life!
@XplodingUnicorn: I can't find my toddler. I can't find the duct tape. I've got a bad feeling about this.
@filthyson: How to make-out - 1. Hold her close 2. Kiss passionately 3. Don't mention the budget deficit or your father