@drewjanda: Imagine a spider. Scary, right? Wrong. This spider is imaginary. Really makes you think
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@aaronpaul_8: Joe: Yes, that was me. Obama: Please stop. Joe: I will not stop. This room will smell so bad when he gets here. Obama: Joe... Joe: Nope.
@FatherWithTwins: Me: Shhh, your brother is still sleeping. 4yo: *runs upstairs CRASH JUMP "Wake up!" SLAM *runs back downstairs "No, he's not."
@mrtruthandsoul: Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
@Marlebean: When I die, I want people to think back lovingly about me and say "oh, I thought she was already dead"