@duplicitron: Imagine being so rich you could afford the other monocle.
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@JohnLyonTweets: No, autocorrect, I'm not "pooping" popcorn. Not now anyway. Later, yes, but I don't plan to text about it.
@SirEviscerate: BABY: WAAAAAAA- ME: Shhhh, it's okay. BABY: -AAAAAAAA- ME: shhhh.... BABY: -AAAAAALUIGI! ME: wtf BABY: (whispering) No one will believe you.
@stockejock: Misery loves company, and apparently that's why my parents invite me over every Thanksgiving weekend.
@Tups13: As a cat burglar most of my late night break-ins are actually well orchestrated attempts to pet other peoples animals.