@SamGrittner: Imagine coming back to life as a zombie but someone tied your shoes together before you were buried.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@tangledteatime: Me: Let me pet your dogs, mister! Him: Not you again. Get outta here! [LATER] Me: *wearing moustache* Excuse me sir
@BigBagOfScum: My friend was like "hey bring some cd's to listen to on the trip" and I was like "where are we going, 2001?"
@dafloydsta: ME: I have good news & bad news WIFE: Bad news first ME: The baby giraffe broke the TV WIFE: We don't have a- ME: Aaaaand now the good news
@othersome: I'm not the hero Gotham deserves. I'm Pete I work at Subway. Do u want extra meetballs.