@SamGrittner: Imagine coming back to life as a zombie but someone tied your shoes together before you were buried.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: I love Instagram's new direct messaging feature because I've always thought, "If only this picture of someone's dinner was just for me."
@roostermustache: Biden: this is takin forever and build-a-bear is gonna close soon Obama: joe let me finish my speech or you'll get no tv for a week Biden:
@KalvinMacleod: CAT 911: what’s the emergency? CAT: I can see a bird outside our clear wall CAT 911: you mean a window? CAT: no it’s definitely a bird