@SamGrittner: Imagine coming back to life as a zombie but someone tied your shoes together before you were buried.
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@trainwreck1000: General Contractor: Don't worry ma'am, everything will be ready, we'll have the scaffolding set up and erected. Me: *mutes phone* hahahahaha
@krisv_723: Carol learned a hard lesson the day she forgot the word berry when googling blueberry waffle recipes.
@WilliamAder: Scientists are attempting to clone Ice Age Cave Lions because running into a raccoon when I take out the trash isn't scary enough.