@Vodkantots: Imagine falling in love with someone and then discovering that he has faith in humanity.
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@Tommytoughstuff: "Can I pet your dog?" "Sure, but he can be aggressive." [He pushes a pamphlet about the dangers of gluten towards me with his nose]
@tastefactory: *cats pull on masks* This is the ultimate heist. Let's get those jewels. *cats immediately set off alarm trying to attack the laser beams*
@PetrickSara: Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult.