@rickolantern: Imagine how expensive the iPhone would be if they called themselves Organic Apple.
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@Tommytoughstuff: Dating tip: don't mention your time as a Boy Scout, let your sash full of badges do the talkin.
@withanewname: *Jesus sits down at the bar* "The boss says we have to start charging you for water"
@Home_Halfway: "10 Things I Hate About You" is my favorite movie that sounds like a bitter Buzzfeed article
@realHamOnWry: [Deathbed Confession] I wish I’d listened to my girlfriend more often. Especially as I crossed the road after she yelled BUS.