@AlexvanBeek: Imagine how much more useful Superman would've been if he'd helped people move their heavy furniture instead.
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@deardilettante: [ brings ouija board to your grave ] "Okay, now will you tell me why her number was in your phone?"
@topaz_kell: Never trust a sweet talker.. They probably just want you to undo the zip ties so they can escape.
@djdarrellripley: Her: (Sigh) How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey? Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!