@AlexvanBeek: Imagine how much more useful Superman would've been if he'd helped people move their heavy furniture instead.
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@BriarSlyMadness: You can tell A LOT about a Woman's mood just by looking at her hands... ...for example...If she's holding a gun? She's probably pissed.
@brentcetera: SO AFTER I CAUGHT HER CHEATING ON ME I WANTED TO JUMP OUT OF A PLANE AND DIE. ANYWAY MY NAME’S TOM AND I’LL BE YOUR TANDEM PARACHUTE PARTNER
@lovemydogduck: Why periods? Why can't mother nature just tweet me and be like "Waddup girl. You ain't pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to you next month"