@SonOfCha: Imagine if you killed a shark then got reincarnated as a shark but the shark you killed was really popular & all the sharks knew it was you.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: Me:What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat? 6: no M: oh for the bath? 6: no M: the pool? 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no
@shutupmikeginn: Google glasses? No thanks, too much tech. It's weird "You can secretly watch Netflix at work" Oh, please take literally all of my money.
@WilliamAder: I've been hearing noises in the house for a while now and while Twitter was down last night I discovered I have a wife!
@hotdogsladies: I say: "No, sorry. I'm not on Facebook at all." They hear: "I live amongst hill people where The Goat we worship has forbidden friendship."