@garrettbarry70: Imagine meeting the girl of your dreams and then finding out that she eats spaghetti with a knife.
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@markydoodoo: I just saw a girl running without headphones and I feel I should call the police. She might be in trouble.
@TheTweetOfGod: Since yesterday was the National Day of Prayer, today must be the National Day of Disappointment.
@_little_old_me: My eyesight is so bad that, after I took my contacts out last night, I chatted to my cat for 5 mins before I realised it was my handbag.