@Vice_Queen: Imagine meeting the person of your dreams and then finding out they use cutlery to eat a burger.
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@EndhooS: "What would be your main strength?" Well, I can communicate with animals... "Wow, impressive. Any weaknesses?" They can't understand me.
@Aspersioncast: Annoy your wife by saying “wow” every time a chick gets out of the limo on The Bachelor.
@Iwriteforcats: James is coming over. "James from work or James who thinks he's a leprechaun?" J: TOP O' THE MORNIN' TO YA! "I'll hide the Lucky Charms."