@TedOfficialPage: Imagine this: you're home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers "Bless you" and hangs up
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@AmishPornStar1: Teachers at the pre-school ask why I'm in a good mood in the morning... I'm like, "Duh...did you not see me just leave my kids with you?"
@beccafacexo: If I ever get kidnapped, my plan is to just talk non-stop about Lost until they see that I'm very annoying, and they return me to safety.
@LlamaInaTux: (A world where everyone is named Bethany) Bethany: what should we name our child? Bethany: Bethany
@Spaziotwat: Man: Who are you? God: Your god. Man: What's your name? God: I can't tell you. Man: No way! God: Jahweh! Man: God: Doh!