@robdelaney: Imagine your relief if you had a dream your daughter was dating a DJ then woke up & remembered she was dating a ferris wheel operator.
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@MmeJey: Sliding my tongue in every hole not breaking eye contact with deli clerk is why they kicked me out & won't let me buy Swiss cheese anymore.
@andrewdrafts: If I say "Bloody Mary" three times in the mirror in the dark I get a free drink, right?
@Mickey_McCauley: The main problem with gay marriage is when two men hold the knife to cut the cake they will be too strong and cut through the plate & table.
@Not_From_Troy: When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.