@robdelaney: Imagine your relief if you had a dream your daughter was dating a DJ then woke up & remembered she was dating a ferris wheel operator.
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@Macar00ny: The first time a girl walked up to me and gave me her number I didn't know what to do so I ate it.
@BradBroaddus: Wife must be planning to paint the house. I found plastic & tape under our bed. Not sure what the shovel & pistol are for.
@bourgeoisalien: People don't realize that Ikea catalogs are also a book of baby names. Anyway, I'm late to take FLÄRDFULL and ÖDMJUK on their play date.