@dubstep4dads: Imagine you're about to have surgery and right before the anesthesia kicks in you notice a "University of Phoenix" degree on the wall
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@SoVeryBritish: Things that cause extreme panic: - Accidentally liking a Tweet - No milk - Unknown numbers - The question "you don't remember me do you?"
@Freeman4all33: It was so cold UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii
@AimeeHelene1: Dad to kid: "Connor, eat your food!" "Eat your food!" "Eat your food!" "Eat your food!" Me: *turns around, eats all of kid's food*