@dubstep4dads: Imagine you're about to have surgery and right before the anesthesia kicks in you notice a "University of Phoenix" degree on the wall
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@Wenderella22: Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bullet proof vest
@TheAlexP: I don't often get suspicious,but squirrels rubbing their tiny hands together? I worry they won the lottery & hired a good hit & run attorney
@DumbConfessions: Jesus: "Is it time for the second coming yet dad?" God: "I'll just give Kanye the Holy Spirit. Already thinks he's me." Both: "LOLOLOLOL"
@KevinFarzad: Sick and tired of birds going to any concert they want for free. Maybe get a job and buy a ticket like the rest of us.