@JamesBarretts: Immediately after giving birth to me my mom was charged with crimes against humanity
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@lazerdoov: *in a job interview* No no it's not a teardrop tattoo it's supposed to be sweat. It shows I'm a hard worker
@DurtMcHurtt: Some guys look classy carrying a flask. I look like a degenerate alcoholic, I dunno, maybe it's my trackpants. Who's house is this?
@WheelTod: Some people will put ketchup on anything: one time I found a first edition of Wuthering Heights in my dad's attic & I just couldn't resist.