@JamesBarretts: Immediately after giving birth to me my mom was charged with crimes against humanity
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@Cali_Kid_Mike: Narcissist? Let's just calm down with the big words and keep this conversation about me.
@squirrel74wkgn: [on first date] I'll have an iced tea, please. Waiter: Sure. Ummm...anything for the balloon with a woman's face drawn on it?
@Fazio_N: "What aisle has the milk?" "Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk?"
@man_spach: "I'm sorry I could never do that for you," said the cat sulking away after catching me on the internet looking at pics of cats in space.