@MomOfTeen: Immediately after walking into a store with your spouse, stop, block the entrance, and discuss why you both came. It's all good. I'll wait.
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@MariyaAlexander: Cops have a new radar that lets them see through walls into our homes but imagine if this technology fell into the wrong hands! Oh wait...
@davedittell: the boss hands me a gun, "you know what to do." I nod. outside, I frantically google: boss gun why how to kill is killing ok regift gun ok
@stuckinaportal: [mastercard commercial] "there are some things that money can't buy" politician: i don't get it