@MomOfTeen: Immediately after walking into a store with your spouse, stop, block the entrance, and discuss why you both came. It's all good. I'll wait.
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@DurtMcHurtt: [laying on the hood of a car, gazing at the stars] I bet zebras make piano sounds when you pet them.
@morninggloria: A confusing chart has led me to believe we are spending exorbitant amounts of money surgically transforming people into fighter jets
@NotthatAdamWest: April Fool's Day pregnancy jokes stopped being fun when my parents started getting excited instead of scared.