@MomOfTeen: Immediately after walking into a store with your spouse, stop, block the entrance, and discuss why you both came. It's all good. I'll wait.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [magicians backstage] don't panic guys but I think we really just sawed that woman in half
@Audenary: DAD: Think an earthquake's coming. MOM: Check Rocky; dogs always know. DOG *analysing seismic data*: I anticipate magnitudes of 6 or more.
@PetrickSara: My husband watched me clean the entire house today, and then asked me if I had a relaxing day. I get why the spouse is the first suspect.