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@abbycohenwl: A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
@man_spach: I shut down my computer in the middle of an iTunes update and I think Siri just sent a Terminator back in time to kill teenage me.
@heatherjs: Does your wife know you're single?
@BuckyIsotope: Brought a ninja to a gunfight and it was really cool. Everyone clapped. Then they shot him.
@misfarber: Are there a lot of first-person singular objective pronouns, or is it just me?