@BlindVigil: "Impeccable" sounds like a general immunity to crow attacks...
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@Nikkeya08: Cashier: Your total is $2,334.00. Me: Can you take off the avocado? Cashier: Okay, that will be $2.00.
@mydanimarie: 911 what's your emergency? I FARTED ON THE FIRST DATE. Ma'am we don't-- IT SOUNDED LIKE A BALLOON ANIMAL ASKING A QUESTION
@OrangeFact: My new favorite thing on Twitter is this three-year feud between Wendy's and a cabbage account