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@squirrel74wkgn: I tried sliding across the hood of my Camaro, but my pony tail got caught in the windshield wiper.
@NewDadNotes: Me: hey babe I’m going to work. you should know I saw a big spider on the ceiling and I tried to kill it but instead I knocked it onto the living room floor and it got away. pretty sure I just made it super mad. Wife: Me: ok I love you, bye.
@AristotlesNZ: We'll take these $75 baby shoes. No need for a shoe box. We'll just let him wear & outgrow them on the car ride home.
@: If other jobs got the same response as writing: -You're a fireman? Have you put out any famous fires? -You're a lifeguard? Can I be a victim in your next rescue? -You're a physicist? I have a few universe theories myself! -You're a chef? I'd do food too, but I never have time.