@Michael1979: Important new ad I stuck up in town today. Experts only, please.
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@longwall26: *gets dragged out of daycare* DON'T LISTEN TO THEM! IT'S NOT A CHOO-CHOO! IT'S A SPOON!! IT'S STRAINED CARROTS IN A SPOO
@stephenjmolloy: Newsreader: "And now Tom with the weather." Weatherman: "It's Tim, actually." Newsreader: "Sorry. And now Tom with the tim."
@kellysdf: Life was dangerous when I was young. We answered the phone never knowing who was on the other end.
@mablazarus: Someday you'll wake up with Mark Zuckerberg in your bed because you neglected to uncheck a box.