@Michael1979: Important notice I stuck on a bench in the park today.
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@Jake_Vig: THEM: Hey-- ME: Ring ring. I gotta take this. THEM: I just watched you say "ring ring." ME: Ring ring. Yeah, this is really important.
@cepheusjackson: WIFE: How's the ventriloquism going? ME: Not good. WIFE: But I got you that Ventriloquism For Dummies book. ME: I don't think he read it.
@LeonEarlgrey: Hipsters probly don't eat carrots since they lose interest in things when there not underground anymore.
@Vodkantots: The greatest thing about Christmas is how it teaches kids to be selfish little shits on someone else's birthday.