@Michael1979: Important notice I stuck on a bench in the park today.
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@BlakWidowBarbee: My tweets don't get the attention they used to. I've seen more stars after getting my head slammed into the headboard.
@Poutymcgee: I just Googled "Living with Glaucoma" before realising it was just a fingerprint smudge on my glasses.
@Donna_McCoy: Baby showers are fun until someone has too much champagne and starts a plastic knife fight over a corner piece of cake. I need a ride home.
@wittwitbarista: With the magic of makeup, I go from tired old hag to tired looking old hag with eyeliner.