@BeckyKillinit: #IMustBeOldBecause I'm starting to give real world answers on my math test!
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@: I'm in a weird place in life because I'm not ready to get married, but I am ready to drag some cans behind my car
@noog: God: NOAH. Noah: Yes Lord? God: Where are the land sharks, flying spiders and the jumping snakes? Noah: Oh nooooo, did I forget those?
@Ygrene: Me: *stuffing a ham into my pillow* Wife: what are you doing Me: it’s in case someone tries to stuff a ham into my pillow, they’ll be like “ah damn”