@brettminor: In 1993, I saw a toddler slip on ice and land on a cat, but I didn't have any social media outlet to tell people about it. So, here it is.
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@Steelers1972: You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
@MondayPajamas: Watching my dad try to scroll through pictures on my phone is like watching someone trying to pet a bubble.
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "I'm sick and tired of your walkie-talkie obsession. This marriage is over." Me: "You broke up there. This marriage is what? Over."
@krustythe_klown: Dearly beloved, we are gathered her today to place bets on how long this marriage will last because these idiots met 2 months ago.