@jjhartinger: In 20 years, I bet there's going to be a college course called eye contact.
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@lisaOoOo: I slept with the lights on last night because I missed the light switch with all 8 of the Nerf Darts I shot while lying in bed.
@brennadine: [Breakup] Her: We're just different Him: How? Her: Well, you want to hike & camp Him: And? Her: And I want to be a cartoon on the internet
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why don't we run through the parking lot? me [laying on the ground in front of the car that hit me] Because it's dangerous