@Perfect_Beanis: in 2001 i was in a coma dying from meningitis and someone played "in the end" by linkin park and i woke up to tell them to turn it off
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@mean_spice: [bedroom] Me getting out whipped cream: I've been waiting for this Gf: kinky, I like it Me already eating pie: what
@NourHadidi: Arguing with your parents is like trying to explain how to download music from iTunes to a plant.
@JohnLyonTweets: Me: Was the island real or were they dead the whole time? Sony tech support: We can't answer that kind of TV question, sir.
@pixelatedboat: For you sir I would recommend one of our deluxe funeral plans where I won't dig you up and slap you around when I'm feeling mad at skeletons