@patnspankme: In 5 more years people will be notified of their termination of employment via emoji.
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@KenJennings: LIFE HACK tell the hotel you forgot your toothbrush. They don't even check, they just give you a brand new one!!! It's so sweet
@Shen_the_Bird: co-worker: hey- me: what is it I'm very busy co-worker: your bluetooth is connected to the breakroom tv [we keep eye contact as I try to pause shrek 2 but accidentally just turn up the volume]
@timdonakowski: Damn girl, are you an old ATM touchscreen? 'Cause I'm pushing ALL the wrong buttons.
@dafloydsta: [date] HER: So what's your spirit animal? ME: Roosters. HER: Lol, why? ME: *leans in close* I also start my day screaming.