@patnspankme: In 5 more years people will be notified of their termination of employment via emoji.
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@rhysjamesy: The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
@Book_Krazy: [Spelling bee] Your word is Monogamous. M-O-N-O-T-O-N-O-U-S *2 Judges stare at each other* 1st judge *nods* 2nd judge: "We'll allow it"
@cwhudson: [at a loud bar] HIM: [yelling] DO U HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER THIS? HER: [also yelling] YES I DO ACTUALLY HAVE PLANTS THAT I KISS
@mynameshank: Super productive day, I took down all of my neighbor's outdoor Christmas decorations.