@patnspankme: In 5 more years people will be notified of their termination of employment via emoji.
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@davidkenny100: Actually, no I don't spend my day arguing and working on format tweets! Narrator: he does though Shut up Narrator: you shut up!
@sarah1mc: I hate when I'm telling my best friend a story and she gets all judgmental and walks off to get a drink from her water bowl.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: God: You'll be cursed to travel the desert for 35 years Moses: *slipping him $20* How about 30 [Later] Moses: We must wander for 40 years
@AKcrazy18: When a Nokia phone warns you about low battery, you have at least 1 month to find where the charger is lying in your house.