@patnspankme: In 5 more years people will be notified of their termination of employment via emoji.
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@ArfMeasures: [During sex] GF: I meant to ask before, but you took the test, right? ME: Yes GF: Oh thank God ME: Apparently I'm most like Chandler
@J_Dazzle76: If I meet you for a date and you don't look anything like your pic, you're buying drinks for me until you do.
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I really like you ME: I like you too HER: So did you bring protection? ME: *gesturing to my bodyguard* Yeah, this is Tony