@patnspankme: In 5 more years people will be notified of their termination of employment via emoji.
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@StrawburyDelite: Apparently, my office doesn't think the women's restroom needs a tampon disposal, so wrapped it up and put it in their suggestion box.
@CopBroughtPizza: and now for my next trick, i will saw a women in half. for this i need a volunteer. how about...MY EX WIFE SANDRA WOW I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE
@wittwitbarista: By allowing my children to play their music & video games loudly, I'm able to get candy out of its wrapper into my mouth unseen.