@gobmentcheese: In a crowded elevator, tell all the tall people they have to get in the back because you're going to take a group photo.
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@SteveSuckington: The only thing worse than sitting down on a cold toilet seat is sitting down on a warm toilet seat.
@robfee: The story of Rudolph is a great way to let your kid know that bullies will keep torturing him until he's famous, then they'll be his friend.
@HiddleDeeDee: Going to a wedding today: Me: Do I look ok boys? 6: You look fine. 9: You look wow. Clearly I have work to do with the little one.