@daemonic3: In a dog eat dog world, the chocolate lab is the most delicious, yet poisonous of all breeds.
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@sublyfe2015: My mom handed me her phone to find me on Twitter... So I deleted her account, uninstalled the app, and told her it went out of business.
@baycontaco: I've started picking up dudes by walking into Starbucks and "accidentally" dropping my recipe for bacon tacos.
@jake_lach: You know you've seen too many walking dead episodes when your hand gets stung by a bee and you start screaming for everyone to cut it off