@daemonic3: In a dog eat dog world, the chocolate lab is the most delicious, yet poisonous of all breeds.
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@mstluvstrinkets: Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?
@squirrel74wkgn: If my wife comes to bed nude it's ON, but when it's me at the end of the bed naked she's all "what are you doin, we're at Mattress City."
@summerofbenny: "I think this chlorine is healing my anal fissure." - Things not to say in a swimming pool. Apparently.