@DeadLioness: In a parallel universe, a zebra is walking around her contemporary decorated house, on top of a skinned blonde chick with big hoops rug.
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@HousewifeOfHell: [At historic site] Guide: Questions? Me: What's the wifi password? G: I meant about 19th century life. M: Oh....Dost thou have thy password?
@tastefactory: "It's gonna taste really good." - excerpt from the guide What To Expect When You're Expecting Pizza
@JoParkerBear: MOM: How are you doing? ME: (drinking what may be 2-day old coffee) Amazing! MOM: Really?! ME: (stepping over dead body in kitchen) SO good!