@mjkspeaks: In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
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@iwearaonesie: me: How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?! Netflix: Because you watched "The Wedding Planner"
@BatBatshitcrazy: I've reached a fork in the road, thank heavens it was laying right next to a pan of lasagna.
@HomeProbably: There are few things more awkward on a blind date than looking up from your phone to realise she's left. She obviously wasn't blind at all.
@thenoahkinsey: Tried a new flavor from my favorite brand of energy drinks. It was the 2nd grossest taste I've ever had in my mouth. (No offense, Andrea.)