@FaisalAdam_: In a parallel universe, cartoons are watching us and thinking "how sad, they die if you drop an anvil on their heads..."
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@SillySassySmart: The awkwardness of my life is equivalent to when somebody says "Happy Birthday" and you say "Thanks you too!"
@squirrel74wkgn: [human resources] Her: What did you mean when you said, “rub it for good luck”? Rabbit (nervously): ...I was talking about my foot
@HatfieldAnne: The lawn guy asks to use my bathroom. A flicker of doubt. Is it safe to have a stranger in my house? Do I put out the fancy soap?