@Robert_Beau: In a parallel universe nobody can park.
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@SuperApple8: All I want in life is to be cool enough to cut up slices of an apple and eat them directly from the knife.
@fuzzlime: Do not underestimate me. 16 just dared me to eat the fish food. It's freeze-dried worms. Wasn't bad. I'm hungry.
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Where's the dog? *flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.
@Sal0630: Boss: I was listening to some Tool on the way to work. Me: I talk to myself when I'm driving sometimes too, it's ok. Boss: Just get out.