@Thynebear: Psychopaths make up about 1% of the US population. Exposing them is easy, just text your friends & check who has their read receipts on.

@noog: The year is 2020. Hip hop has fully merged with dubstep, creating the genre of music known as Dubhop. All hope for mankind is lost

@TomSchally: It's adorable how I write “beer” on my shopping list like I'd somehow forget.

@StellaRtwot: 6 pack abs on a guy are nice but it probably means that he won't get drunk & rob a convenient store of cheese curls w/me at 3am, so no.

@suntzufuntzu: The software tracking your browsing has fallen in love with you; it doesn't mind if you don't click the ads, it just hopes they please you.