@The_Mentalyst: In a parallel universe, Two bars walk into a man.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@corysnearowski: My wife is upset we can't afford a vacation this year because I kept paying the kids to behave while I was driving
@TheRealRHB: As my friend Joe's last wish I had him cremated and sprinkled his ashes into the coffee pots at work..all morning everyone had a cup of Joe
@thenatewolf: ME: [forgetting the name of someone I went to school with for years] Hey… man! ME: [watching GoT] That’s Randyll Tarly, Samwell’s father.
@Poutymcgee: Friend: *passes me her newborn baby* Me: What is this clothed potato and why have you given it to me?