@pantsfaced: In a recent sleep study performed by clowns 9 out of 10 people didn't even know they were being watched.
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@DanaSchwartzzz: the best part of Fight Club is how some guys saw Edward Norton punching himself in a parking lot and thought "hell yeah i'm on board"
@SteveKoehler22: IKEA furniture will now snap together will no tools or hardware. The company boasts that it will save thousands of h̶o̶u̶r̶s̶ marriages
@david8hughes: [interrogation] "What do u do for a living?" Jewel thief. "Louder for the tape." [leans in] Cool beef. I bring hot beef down in temperature.
@mrjohntofu: My signature move is parking closely to the sports car at the end of the lot taking up four spaces.