@sweetg35: In alcohol’s defense, i've done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
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@garthinkingcap: [after solid first date] Ok play it cool, don't wanna seem too eager.. *texts her 47 years later* "Had a great time the other night :)"
@AmericanGent69: Credit card company called to ask about some charges on my statement. It wasn’t a fraud check. They were just questioning my life choices.
@lunasgarden_: I have decided I will never get down to my original weight. Besides 7.5 pounds is unrealistic anyway.