@AndyRichter: In all honesty, my new dating service, "Well You're Not So Great Yourself" hasn't really taken off like I'd hoped.
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@AngelaLovesNY: Cardinals are fornicating on my porch again! The birds...not the religious robey dudes.
@HTXBlonde: "It's funny how red, white, and blue represents freedom until it's your rear view mirror flashing behind you."
@FattMernandez: I couldn't be trusted with a time machine. I'd get killed going back and testing whether or not Velociraptors really could open doors.
@Eightinchgoat: I think I'm gonna shave my legs so that there's less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.