@bea_ker: [in ambulance]
"Can you describe the snake that bit you?"
Yes it was like an angry rope
@rolldiggity: "I don't know where this rumor started, but Company and I are just good friends." -Misery
@JoParkerBear: Kanye West tweeted that Bill Cosby is innocent?
This is the last straw.
He just lost my vote in 2020.
@EJGomez: *emergency room*
NURSE: "we're losing him!"
DOCTOR [pouring like a lot of buckets of ice water on his head]: "IM WORKING AS FAST AS I CAN"
@Nyx422: This bum said everyone who gives him $10 gets a "special" surprise in the alley.
My gut says no......but my heart says its a puppy!
@okimstillhungry: Me on Masterchef: Ive made a roasted pork kebab breaded with buttermilk cornbread and served with a tomato reduction
Them: This is a corndog