@bea_ker: [in ambulance]
"Can you describe the snake that bit you?"
Yes it was like an angry rope
@Samzen_: Satan was all alone with Eve, NAKED, at the forbidden tree and all he did was to convince her to eat a fruit? GAY.
@JH_Moncrieff: "I don't understand...we're a grocery store. Do we really need an editor on staff?"
Yes. Yes, you do.
@topaz_kell: Forgot your password?
Hint: your cat's name
~ a crazy cat lady's worst nightmare
@LuvPug: Just pulled into the 'Expecting Mothers' parking spot at Walmart because I'm fully expecting to lose my shit on one of my kids in there.
@crylenol: Kinda messed up that marijuana is just a plant. Like, what other plants are drugs?
*tries to smoke a carrot*
Yea I guess I'm feelin it